To be a Pair of Cheap Flip Flops

A rare sober thought.

What?

You’re on something, Michael. Why would you wanna be a pair of cheap flip flops?

Because they’re stealthily unassuming, give great men something to stand upon, and are eternally bound as a pair.

Stealthily Unassuming

Sure, there’s some wild ones out there, but that’s just paint on the outside. I’m talking about core aspects: the design, the materials—cheap flip flops are so simple, even an uneducated child could put them together!

Besides the two straps that hug the top of your feet, they’re pretty much hidden. When they’re being worn, you can’t even see Mickey and that duck.

Forget all the fanfare of Jordans, the hype of Yeezys, and the jutting exuberance of Balenciagas; the class of Ferragamos and elegance of Stilettos are neat—but nothing beats a good ol’ pair of flippity flops.

Rocks, pebbles, gross change rooms. They protect you. They do their job, without drawing attention to themselves.

Something for Great Men to Stand Upon

Whoever you are, whatever your ambitions are, they are there to help you do great work.

Their sole purpose comes from helping people. They can’t walk on their own, nor do they want to. You pick them up, and they give you a soft landing, one step after the other. Every single time.

Are Eternally Bound as a Pair

Hypothetically, let’s say we’re at the beach and happen to be rocking the same pair of Mickey Mouse flip flops. Further, assume we have the same shoe size (US Men’s 11).

After a long day of walking, we’re oozing with joy as we see these two perfectly placed lounge chairs overlooking a majestically picturesque ocean.

In our excitement, we kick off our slides in a flurry and dive onto the marshmallow cushions. Mmmmm. So comfy.

We chat some talk, drink some drinks, and enjoy the view.

But as we get up to leave…Oh no! Our flip flops are mixed up.

For sake of contradiction, assume that each flip flop in a pair are independent, i.e., not eternally bound to the other. Then, this mix up would be a non-issue. That is, we’d both contently slip one onto our left foot and another onto our right, and then walk away without any shame or guilt in separating a flip flop from his brother. But then we’d be weird, which contradicts Lemma 0. So, flip flops must be eternally bound as a pair. □

The Takeaway

I wanna be a pair of cheap flip flops: selflessly doing my job to help others achieve great things, and all the while, displaying convicting loyalty.

Thanks to Abhinav and Sumedh for a great bike ride to St. Jacob’s on the day this was written. That fresh orange juice was splendid.

I was supposed to be studying for Combinatorics & Graph Theory that day so proofs were top of mind. I promise I’m not always like this.